Whether you’re an introvert like me, who rarely initiates conversation (especially with strangers unless absolutely necessary), or an extrovert like my husband, who can learn at least three things about a complete stranger within five minutes of meeting them, there will be times when you must converse with others. 

While this is easy for people like my husband, many of us struggle because we lack natural confidence. 

To gain confidence when communicating with others, it’s important to learn skills that are not natural abilities. 

I once struggled with shyness and wrote an article about it, which became a popular post on my blog. 

I wrote about managing my own timidity and becoming more productive. 

I believe the following tips on how to be confident when speaking with people will also be beneficial to you. 

How to Be Confident When Speaking With People 

1. Listen to understand, not just respond

Learning to be confident when speaking with others requires first understanding what they are saying. Learning to be confident when speaking with people requires you to first understand what they are saying. 

How can you make meaningful contributions or responses if you don’t understand?

How will you understand if you do not listen? 

Many people enjoy being heard but dislike listening. Listening is a skill that everyone should master. 

Some people (therapists) are paid just to listen to people complain and vent. 

So, if you want to be confident during conversations, be present and attentive to what the other person(s) is saying. 

Don’t be in your own world or preoccupied with deciding what best responses to give. 

If you understand what’s being said, you’re more likely to make useful contributions. 

2. Don’t be a mind reader

One of the most common causes of a lack of self-confidence in social situations is concern about what others are thinking, particularly about us.

I used to feel guilty about this, which contributed to my timidity.

I was overly self-absorbed. I was obsessed with other people’s opinions of me.

Do they think I am beautiful? 

Do they think I am making sense? 

Am I well-dressed? 

Thoughts like these shift the focus from others to ourselves, causing anxiety. 

Now I see the futility of attempting to read people’s minds. 

If you want to speak confidently with others, stop trying to read their minds; you’ll never know. 

Do not become consumed by their unspoken opinions. You have no use for them. 

3. Read again and again

I cannot emphasize this enough.

Reading is a common habit among intelligent individuals. 

Reading is neither a passion nor a gift, as many people believe.

It is a discipline that should be developed by anyone who is unwilling to live a mediocre life. 

The advantages of reading are too numerous to ignore. 

I was at the beach two weekends ago, speaking with one of hubby’s friends from a South Asian country. 

He inquired about my country and mentioned how beautiful he heard it was. 

I told him he’d heard correctly. My country is indeed beautiful and endowed with an abundance of mineral and natural resources, but it is cursed with poor leadership. 

He nodded and stated that this was also true in his country.

I discussed my knowledge of his country through reading Khaled Hosseini’s novels. 

He agreed with me. 

If I hadn’t read those books, I wouldn’t have been able to make the contributions I did.

Reading transports you to a variety of locations without leaving your home. It broadens your horizons and expands your imagination.

For many of us, social media is the antithesis of our reading habits. But with discipline as our weapon, we will triumph. 

Reading provides you with knowledge, which builds confidence. 

When you are knowledgeable about a subject, you are more likely to be comfortable discussing it. 

Read books and learn a little bit about many different things. This allows you to be more confident in social situations. 

4. Distractions should be eliminated

Many of us are guilty of checking our phones while talking to others. 

This is not an appropriate behavior during conversations. 

Constantly checking your phone while speaking with others not only distracts you, but it is also disrespectful and does not present you as a confident person. 

Keep your phone away and focus on conversations. If you are bored, please end the conversation or excuse yourself. 

5. Smile

Smiling makes you feel at ease and also portrays you as an approachable person. 

It puts people at ease with you and facilitates conversations. 

6. Give encouraging gestures

Giving gestures such as nodding and smiling and body language such as sitting upright can boost your confidence when talking with people. 

7. Don’t aim to please

If you’re trying to please everyone with your stance, you’re more likely to lose confidence and become anxious.

Express your opinions respectfully while remaining open-minded. 

When you speak with a different accent, you may find it difficult to please people. 

People who speak with a different accent than the people they’re conversing with often feel less confident because they believe they won’t be understood or mocked. 

Only an ignorant person would mock someone who speaks in a different accent. 

There are approximately 7.8 billion people in the world, people from various countries; you cannot expect everyone to speak in the same way as you!

Accents only indicate where you are from. They are not proof of sophistication. 

I grew up in an African country. I currently live in Europe. You don’t expect me to speak like an American or a Brit. I’d sound ridiculous if I tried. 

Everyone should be happy as long as you and I understand what each other are saying. 

8. Be yourself

You can never be confident if you try to be like someone else. 

Trying to be someone you’re not is like putting a square peg into a round hole. 

You’ll never fit in. 

While trying to be confident when speaking with others, don’t overdo it. 

I am more of a listener than a speaker. I am not the life of the party. I won’t try to be someone I’m not. 

But I will not be annoyingly passive in a conversation. 

Work on yourself while being yourself. 

Being confident in anything requires practice. The more you practice something, the better you become at it. 

With practice, you will undoubtedly improve your ability to speak confidently with others.