The assumption is that if a marriage lacks physical intimacy, the man will leave immediately. The assumption is that if a marriage lacks physical intimacy, the man will leave right away. The assumption is that if a marriage lacks physical intimacy, the man will leave right away. The assumption is that if a marriage lacks physical intimacy, the man will leave immediately.

After all, we’ve all heard that physical intimacy is like food to men, so why would any man stay in a marriage without it?

Well, the reasons are more complicated than you think.

Some are noble, some practical, and others are simply sad.

Why Would A Man Stay In A Sexless Marriage?

1. Emotional connection is still strong

As difficult as it may be to believe, marriage means more to some men than just sex. As hard as it may be to believe, for some men, marriage is about more than just sex.

I know society tells us that men are simple creatures who only desire physical intimacy. But this isn’t always true.

Some men stay in sexless marriages due to a strong emotional connection with their wives.

They married their best friend, confidant, and the person who knows them best, and they are content with emotional intimacy and companionship.

Or at the very least, it is valuable enough that they are willing to give up the physical aspect in order to keep it.

I’m not saying this represents the majority, but these men exist. Men who prioritize partnership over passion and regard their wives as more than sexual partners.

And for them, the prospect of leaving and losing that emotional connection is worse than remaining in a sexless marriage.

Is this ideal? No. But this is their reality.

2. He is staying for the kids

When asked why people stay in unhappy marriages, the most common reason given is “for the children.”

And I understand it. I am a mother. The thought of my children growing up in a broken home, moving between two homes, and dealing with the emotional fallout of divorce weighs heavily on me. And I get it. I’m a mother. The thought of my children growing up in a broken home, shuttling between two houses, and dealing with the emotional fallout of divorce is heavy.

Some men do not wish to disrupt their children’s lives. They want to give them a sense of normalcy, even though the marriage itself is anything but normal.

As a result, they forego their own needs in order to provide the best possible life for their children.

They convince themselves that once the children are grown, they will reconsider. But by then, they’d been in a sexless marriage for so long that it had simply become a reality.

Some argue that children can sense when their parents are unhappy and that staying “for the kids” may be more harmful than beneficial.

But I’m not here to make judgments. I am just telling you that this is one of the reasons why men stay.

3. He is afraid to start over.

Change is scary, especially when you’ve been doing things the same way for years, if not decades. Change is scary, especially when you’ve been living a certain way for years, maybe decades.

What happens if he can’t find anyone else? What happens if he ends up alone?

And, frankly, the dating scene these days is ghetto.

Yes, dating apps are everywhere, but finding someone with whom you can connect on a deeper level is not easy.

Finding a hookup is easier than finding someone who truly understands, supports, and builds with you.

That’s why some men look at their sexless marriage and say, “This isn’t ideal, but at least I’m not alone. “At least I have companionship.”

And the fear of losing that, even if their current situation is unsatisfactory, keeps them stuck.

4. Divorce would cost him too much.

Let’s talk about money, because it’s a major reason men stay in unhappy marriages. Let’s talk money, because money is a huge reason men stay in marriages they’re unhappy in.

Divorce is expensive; you must pay lawyers, divide assets, and possibly pay alimony and child support if children are involved. Divorce is not for the weak. 

Staying in a sexless marriage is simply the less expensive option for some men, particularly if their wife is financially dependent on them or if they have amassed wealth during the marriage that they would have to divide. Staying in a sexless marriage is simply the cheaper option for some men, especially if their wives are financially dependent on them or if they’ve built wealth during the marriage that they’d have to split.

If he does the math and realizes that leaving will cost him half of everything he worked for, he’d prefer to pay the lower price: sex.

Money has kept many men and women in unhappy marriages for longer than love could.

5. He’s getting it somewhere else

People rarely discuss the fact that not all men have strong sex drives. Here’s something people don’t talk about enough: not all men have high sex drives.

Society tells us that men are always prepared, wanting, and thinking about it.

But this isn’t true for everyone.

Some men have low libido, which could be due to age, health issues, stress, medication, or simply how they are wired.

Instead of admitting it, they make their wives believe the sexless marriage is their fault.

She believes she is not attractive or desirable enough and that she is doing something wrong.

Meanwhile, he’s okay with the lack of sex because he doesn’t want it either.

But admitting it? That would imply admitting he is “not man enough” by society’s standards.

So he keeps quiet. He allows the marriage to be sexless. He allows her to carry the guilt.

They both exist in a situation where neither is willing to engage in a genuine conversation.

Now, let’s be honest, because this is a major reason some men stay in sexless marriages. Now, let’s keep it real here because this is a major reason some men stay in their sexless marriage.

They got it somewhere else! Whether through an affair, sex work, or a “friend with benefits” arrangement, they can have it both ways.

They get the companionship and public image of marriage at home, while their physical needs are met outside of it.

So staying and cheating gives him everything he desires without the drama of divorce.

If you’re a woman in a sexless marriage and your husband seems fine with it, don’t think it’s because he’s noble or patient.

It’s possible that he’s handling his needs elsewhere.

6. He also has low libido but refuses to admit it.

Not every man has strong sex drives. Not all men have high sex drives.

Society tells us that men are always ready, wanting, and thinking about it.

However, this is not true for all men, as some have low libido due to age, health issues, stress, medication, or simply how they are wired.

Instead of admitting it, they make their wives believe the sexless marriage is their fault. And instead of admitting it, they let their wives think the sexless marriage is their fault.

Meanwhile, he’s okay with the lack of sex because he doesn’t want it either.

Admitting this would imply that he is “not man enough” according to societal standards.

So he stays quiet and allows the marriage to be sexless. 

As you can see, there are numerous reasons why a man would remain in a sexless marriage.

Some of these reasons may seem understandable, while others may be more difficult to comprehend.

But, in the end, each relationship is unique and complex. What works for one couple might not work for another.

Couples who are committed to their marriage and communicate openly can overcome challenges together.

So, if you’re a man in a sexless marriage, don’t be afraid to ask for help and discuss your concerns with your partner.

And if you are a woman whose husband is in a sexless marriage, try to understand his point of view and be willing to work together to find a solution. And if you’re a woman whose husband is in a sexless marriage, try to understand his perspective and be open to finding solutions together.

A strong and healthy marriage requires effort from both partners, but it is worth fighting for.

So don’t lose hope just yet.