So your ex-husband wants to come back.
The man you divorced, whose behavior was so bad that you legally ended your marriage. The same man you divorced, whose behavior was bad enough that you legally ended your marriage.
The same man you thought you were finished with forever.
Now he’s calling, texting, and showing up, claiming to have changed and begging for another chance.
And you’re perplexed.
Part of you recalls why you left.
Pain and disappointment.
I was relieved when it was finally over.
But a part of you wonders. What if he really did change?
What if this works, and you were meant to be together after all?
Just because he wants to come back does not mean you should let him.
And just because he claims to have changed does not necessarily imply that he has.
Men come back after divorce for a variety of reasons. Some are good. Very bad.
Additionally, you must determine which category your ex belongs to before you consider opening that door once more. And before you even think about opening that door again, you need to figure out which category your ex falls into.
Here are some explanations for why ex-husbands return and, more significantly, how to determine whether you should even think about doing so.
Why Do Ex-Husbands Come Back?
1. He is aware of what he lost.
It’s been said that you don’t truly appreciate what you have until you lose it. You know how it’s said that you don’t appreciate what you have until you lose it?
This is it.
Your ex-husband has tried to move on, dated other women, and been out there.
And he’s come to the realization that his relationship with you was beneficial.
that he took you for granted despite the fact that you were a decent woman.
He truly misses you, which is why he’s returned.
You in particular, not just having a wife.
The only valid explanation is this.
To be honest, it’s the rarest.
Because although there are millions of women, you are the only one.
2. It’s Harder to Date Than He Expected
When we get married, a lot of us romanticize being single.
We consider our lives without obligations, forgetting that we wanted to get married when we were single.
Divorce, according to your ex, meant freedom.
He imagined himself living life to the fullest, dating whoever he pleased.
Rather, he’s realizing how difficult it is to date in your 30s, 40s, or 50s.
He doesn’t live up to the expectations of women his age.
The younger ladies don’t care.
Dating apps are a nightmare as well.
Therefore, he is returning to you because you are comfortable and familiar, not necessarily because he values you, but rather because you are convenient and he is exhausted.
3. His Heart Was Broken
He either thought he would find someone better or left you for someone else.
Sadly, that didn’t turn out.
Perhaps he realized she wasn’t who he thought she was, or perhaps she broke his heart.
He’s back at your door now, hurt and in need of consolation.
He doesn’t choose you first.
You serve as both his ego repair and safety net.
4. He doesn’t want multiple baby moms, but he does want more children.
It’s convenient for him to return to you if you already have kids together and he wants more.
Instead of two, just one baby mama.
one co-parenting relationship as opposed to multiple.
It’s logistics, not love for you.
He already knows you as a womb.
5. He’s Seeking Retribution
Some men are small-minded.
Very small-minded.
He might return to harm you if you were the one who started the divorce.
Sweet-talking his way back in, he’ll win your trust and pique your emotional interest.
Then ruin you, cheat, abandon you, or cause you more harm than before.
He seeks retribution rather than reconciliation.
6. He had no intention of getting divorced in the first place.
Perhaps he opposed the divorce you started, or perhaps he has been attempting to win you back all along.
He sincerely thinks that you gave up too soon because the problems could have been resolved and that the marriage could have been saved. have been saved.
His intentions may be sincere, which makes this one difficult.
However, intention does not guarantee success.
You will simply get divorced again if the fundamental problems have not been resolved.
7. He’s Alone
Being alone is a powerful drug.
His bed is empty, his home is silent, and he has no one to return home to.
Because someone is superior to everyone else, he is returning to you.
It’s not that he doesn’t think you’re unique.
All you’re willing to do is put up with him.
8. He has changed and truly loves you
You want to think this.
And occasionally it’s accurate.
He has completed the work, attended therapy, dealt with his problems, and actually altered his behavioral patterns.
Because he’s lonely, struggling, or taking advantage of you, he won’t be returning.
He has improved as a man and is returning because he loves you.
The problem is that this is extremely uncommon. Really rare.
The majority of men remain unchanged.
They simply get better at pretending they have.
How to Determine Whether You Should Even Consider It.
Don’t open the door just because he knocked.
Don’t take him back because you are lonely, the kids miss having their father around, or your family is pressuring you.
First, ask yourself the following questions:
1. Why did you divorce in the first place?
This is the most essential question.
Did he abuse you? Cheating? Controlling? Addicted?
If any of these are the reasons, then the answer is NO.
The end.
Do not even consider it.
Abusers do not change, serial cheaters continue to cheat, controllers do not relinquish control, and addicts relapse.
Taking him back simply indicates that you will tolerate his behavior and that there are no real consequences.
However, if you divorced due to communication problems, growing apart, immaturity, or being unprepared for marriage, these issues may be resolvable.
Maybe.
2. Has he really changed, or is he just saying he has?
Words are relatively cheap.
Anyone can say, “I’ve changed.”
But did he really?
Don’t take his words at face value; instead, pay attention to his actions.
And don’t just observe what he does for a week or two while he attempts to win you back.
Keep an eye out for several months.
Consistently, when he’s tired, stressed out, or annoyed.
That is when you will know if he has truly changed or if he is simply performing.
3. Has he completed the work?
Change does not just happen.
It will take some effort.
Has he attended therapy?
To win you back, why not try individual therapy rather than couple therapy?
Has he addressed the underlying issues that prompted your divorce?
Is he just sorry he lost you without knowing why?
If he hasn’t done the work, he hasn’t changed, and you’ll be in the same broken marriage you left.
4. What Does Your Gut Tell You?
Don’t be concerned about what your family or friends think.
In fact, forget what your heart wants to believe.
What does your gut tell you?
Are you comfortable with him? Or do you feel anxious?
Are you excited about the possibilities? Or do you feel dread?
Do you trust him? Or are you already worried that he’ll hurt you again?
Your gut is aware.
Take note of what you hear.
5. Are you considering this because you want him or because you are lonely, scared, or under pressure?
Become brutally honest with yourself.
Are you thinking about taking him back because you truly believe the marriage can work now?
Are you considering it because:
- You are lonely.
- You are struggling financially.
- Your family is pressuring you.
- The kids want their father back.
- You are afraid you won’t find anyone else.
- It is easier than starting over.
If any of the latter reasons apply, DO NOT DO IT.
You’ll just be miserable again, and you’ll have wasted even more years.
Returning to an ex-husband is rarely a good idea.
Not always, but the majority of the time.
People rarely change, especially men who have already lost you and suffered no serious consequences.
And even if he has changed, the history remains.
The hurt, betrayal, and disappointment are similar to the reasons you divorced in the first place.
That is a lot to overcome.
Coming back together with your ex-husband is not always a good thing; it can also be a test.
A test of whether you’ve healed enough to recognize your worth or love yourself enough to say no to someone who has already demonstrated that they do not deserve you.
Don’t fail the test simply because you’re lonely.
You’ve already been through one divorce.
Do not set yourself up for a second date with the same man.