My Timidity Struggle

No matter how brilliant, intelligent, or talented you are, if you are too timid, you will miss out on many opportunities that could better your life. The floor belongs to the bold.’’

I posted the above on my Facebook status last year, and it received hundreds of reactions and comments from people who were struggling with timidity and wanted to know how to overcome it. I wrote the above on my Facebook status last year, and it garnered hundreds of reactions and comments from people who were struggling with timidity and desired to know how to overcome timidity.

I posted the same thing a week ago, and more than 500 people responded.

Many people seem to dislike being timid. As requested, I agreed to share my timidity story and how I overcame it.

Timidity is simply shyness, which is defined as a fear of social interaction.

Growing up, I believed I was the most shy person on the planet. Growing up, I thought I was the shyest person on the planet.

It was so bad that just entering a room with at least two people made my heart race.

As a teenager, I struggled to make eye contact with others. I preferred staying indoors to read and write over going out and meeting people.

Timidity prevented me from answering questions in class, even when I was certain of the answer.

This was a little-known fact about me.

I disliked the way I was. I envied my peers for their outspokenness and carefree demeanor. I didn’t like the way I was. I envied my peers who were so outspoken and acted like they had no care in the world.

I wondered why I couldn’t be just like them. I was (and still am, lol) a brilliant girl, but timidity was ruining me.

So I decided to work on myself (which I continue to do).

I’ve improved. I do things now that no one would believe I was the girl who couldn’t make eye contact when talking to others.

Before I tell you how I dealt with it, let me explain where it came from.

Because timidity does not appear out of nowhere, and identifying the source makes it easier to remove.

1. Heredity

This is how some of us were born. Some of us came out of the womb this way, and that is simply the truth.

Personality has a genetic component, and timidity can certainly be inherited.

It explains why some children are naturally loud and unconcerned from birth, whereas others, like myself, require two hours of mental preparation before entering a room with strangers.

This is not a flaw in your character.

You did not select your genes.

However, there is good news: genes do not determine destiny.

What you were born with is only the beginning; it is not the end.

2. Environment

Nature sets the foundation, but nurture does a lot of the building.

A child who grows up in a home where her opinions are welcomed, where she is encouraged to speak and express, and take up space will develop differently from one who grows up being silenced and corrected.

School matters too, and peer groups.

These environments that shaped your early years left fingerprints on your confidence, whether you noticed them doing it or not.

3. The fear of failure

This was very much mine. This one was very much mine.

The obsessive fear of doing something wrong in public.

Saying the wrong thing, giving the wrong answer, tripping, forgetting your lines, and engaging in socially awkward behavior that people will remember and retell for years.

So you remain invisible because it feels safer than being embarrassingly wrong.

The problem is that “invisible” also implies “unremarkable.” And you were not meant to be unremarkable.

4. Excessive self-consciousness.

Self-awareness can be both healthy and beneficial. There is a version of self-awareness that is healthy and useful.

And then there is the version where you walk into every room convinced that you are the subject of everyone’s silent analysis.

Timid people tend to live in their own heads, hyper-aware of every word they say and how they may be perceived.

It is exhausting, but largely imaginary.

Most people are far too preoccupied with their own insecurities to investigate yours as thoroughly as you fear.

But try telling that to a shy person in the middle of a packed room.

They won’t believe you.

5. Low self-confidence and poor self-esteem

Sometimes timidity isn’t about social situations at all. Sometimes timidity is not really about social situations at all.

It all boils down to your self-esteem.

If you truly don’t believe you’re worth listening to, it will show in how you conduct yourself in the world.

You will shrink because it aligns with your beliefs about your own worth.

This is possibly the deepest root of all. And it necessitates the most deliberate effort to address.

However, it can be addressed. 

How I Overcame Timidity: 8 Ways To Get Over Timidity

1. I Was Tired of My Own Limitations

Nothing changes until the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the fear of changing.

For me, that moment came when I looked at my life honestly and realized how many things I wasn’t doing and how many opportunities I was watching other people take, and I got tired of it. For me, that moment came when I looked at my life honestly and saw all the things I was not doing and all the opportunities I was watching other people take, and I got tired of it.

That exhaustion was the start of everything, because motivation that stems from genuine dissatisfaction with one’s own limitations is what keeps you going when things get tough.

And it will become uncomfortable.

You cannot leave your comfort zone. You simply cannot.

The comfort zone is where timidity lives, and it’s very cozy.

You must have a strong desire to leave.

2. I did something before I was ready.

Boldness does not come before action. It happens because of it. Boldness does not arrive before the action. It arrives because of it.

No amount of wishing or visualizing will make you bold.

Readiness is a feeling that comes after courage, not before it.

If you wait until you feel confident before doing the scary thing, you will be waiting indefinitely. If you are waiting to feel confident before you do the scary thing, you will be waiting forever.

I joined my nursing school fellowship’s Bible study group because I loved the Word.

I conveniently forgot that joining the Bible study unit meant eventually teaching the Bible study.

My heart was doing things it shouldn’t be doing on the first Sunday I was supposed to teach.

I genuinely considered leaving.

I remember thinking that if the ground could just open quietly and swallow me right now, it would be perfect.

No one would need to know.

I’d just disappear, and we’d never talk about it again.

The ground would not cooperate.

So I instructed.

And I did so well that I was promoted to the head of that same department a year and a few months later. And I did it so well that a year and some months later, I became the head of that same department.

Before that first terrifying Sunday, I lacked the confidence that would carry me through subsequent lessons.

It was something I created after surviving the first terrifying Sunday.

Do it with fear. The courage will meet you on the other side.

3. I used social media for training

I understand that this may appear insignificant when compared to standing in front of others. I know this might sound small compared to standing up in front of people.

However, for a shy person, having a public voice is far from insignificant.

I used to be so concerned about what others would think that I avoided sharing my true thoughts online.

I would write something, read it back, decide it was too much, and then delete it.

I kept myself agreeable and forgettable. I kept myself safely agreeable and safely forgettable.

Then one day, I decided to simply say it. 

People described me as controversial. Others informed me that I had changed their lives.

Both events occurred concurrently, and I realized that you cannot control how others perceive you.

You only have control over whether you show up.

Those who needed to hear what I had to say found it. Those who did not would have an opinion about me regardless.

Having a voice online taught me that my thoughts were valuable. That translated into a greater willingness to speak up in physical rooms as well.

Start in the comments section if necessary.

Share an opinion you’ve been keeping to yourself.

Allow someone to disagree with you and survive it.

It is practice. And practice is everything.

4. I took care of how I showed up

There is a connection between your appearance and how you carry yourself. There is a relationship between how you look and how you carry yourself.

When you know you look good (but not perfect or expensive), you walk differently.

You sat differently.

You are slightly less concerned about how you come across because you have already handled the part over which you have control.

This isn’t vanity!

Discover what works for your skin.

Wear something that makes you feel like yourself. One of the investments I made in myself this year was enrolling in a personal styling course, which has helped me be more conscious of how I look. 

So dress for the version of yourself that is emerging, not the one that is still hidden.

You don’t need to spend money you don’t have; instead, be mindful of what you do have. You don’t need to spend money you don’t have; instead, be intentional with what you do have. You don’t need to spend money you don’t have; instead, be intentional with what you do have. You don’t need to spend money you do not have; you need to be intentional with what you have.

When you invest in your appearance, others will perceive you differently. When the world perceives you differently, something in your own self-belief shifts.

5. I Found My Thing and Became Excellent at It

Usually, sustainable boldness is based on something. It is supported by a foundation.

It is the kind of confidence that comes from understanding, deep down, that you are good at what you do; it is not floating confidence that crumbles the moment someone challenges you.

One of the most effective remedies for timidity is excellence.

The dread of being exposed significantly decreases when you are skilled at something and have studied and prepared.

since you are aware of what you have to offer.

You’re not just winging it and hope no one notices.

It is evident that you have put in the effort.

Take full ownership of whatever you have.

Understand it well and get ready as if your confidence depended on it, because it does.

Ill preparation does not just affect your performance; it feeds your fear.

Give yourself the gift of being ready.

6. I Discovered What I Was Passionate About and Let It Push Me

In spite of yourself, passion has the power to make you brave.

You will find yourself accomplishing things you never imagined you were capable of when something is important to you in a way that transcends comfort or fear.

The terror did not go away, but it was replaced by something stronger.

It was teaching for me. Eventually, my concern over the Word and people’s comprehension of it overshadowed my dread.

I began questioning whether I was going to let people miss something that could help them because I was too afraid to deliver it, rather than whether I was courageous enough.

Discover what causes you to forget your fear.

Pour yourself into it and let the passion do what the pep talks could not.

7. I Read Voraciously

In a way that most people undervalue, knowledge is confidence.

Knowing things makes it more difficult to silence you.

You have something to say, and having something to say reduces your fear of speaking up.

Reading also let me realize that the most successful and powerful individuals in history weren’t self-assured from birth.

They were individuals who consciously developed themselves over time.

I needed that authorization.

One of the books that was helpful to me was The Confident Woman by Joyce Meyer.

I wholeheartedly endorse it. To understand what’s in those pages, you don’t have to be religious.

Just open and willing. Read whatever feeds your mind and builds your sense of self.

Then read some more.

8. I Gave Myself Grace for Still Being in Progress

You won’t reach bold in a linear fashion.

On certain days, you will be fully present, and on other days, the old timidity will tap you on the shoulder and you will allow it to settle.

You’ll take a risk, and the very next week, you’ll battle with something that should seem insignificant.

That isn’t a failure. That’s how it works.

I’m still trying to improve myself.

I haven’t yet reached my full potential in terms of boldness; there are things I’d like to do that still call for more bravery than I currently possess.

Give yourself permission to make progress.

Perfection and even arrival are not the objectives.

It’s just to continue doing it out of fear.

Continue to show up even if it costs you anything.

The bold own the floor, yet being bold is not something you are born with.

It is a decision you make.

One difficult choice at a time, every day.