Who doesn’t love grand gestures?

Expensive date nights, weekend getaways, romantic surprises, and extravagant gifts… You know, expensive date nights, weekend getaways, big romantic surprises, expensive gifts…

We do.

However, while those things are nice, they are not what make a marriage strong, right?

Because how many expensive date nights can you have, especially with children? 

How many expensive gifts can you purchase or even afford?

You cannot always go on romantic vacations. 

That’s how you know it’s the small but consistent things we do every day that keep our marriage strong. 

I’ve been married for ten years and know that it’s not the big things that make or break a marriage.

It’s the daily decisions. 

Here are the five-minute habits that transformed my marriage and will help yours.

5-Minute Habits That Will Transform Your Marriage

Goodbye and hello, kiss each other

I don’t mean a quick peck on the cheek while you’re rushing out the door.

I mean a real kiss. I mean an actual kiss.

The kind in which you pause, look at each other, and connect briefly before leaving and returning.

My husband and I began doing this consciously a few years ago, and it changed everything.

Previously, we’d simply yell “bye!” from different rooms or grunt hello when we arrived home, already mentally moving on to the next task on our to-do list.

We now put an end to our current activities.

We kiss, make eye contact, and say things like “I love you” or “have a great day” with genuine emotion.

It only takes a minute, but it keeps us connected throughout the day and reminds us that we are important to one another, even when life is hectic.

Try it for a week and let me know if your marriage doesn’t feel different.

Ask one genuine question every day.

Ask something real, something that requires thought, like,

“What was the best part about your day?” “What was the best part of your day?”

“What’s been on your mind recently?”

“Has anyone annoyed you today?”

“Are you really happy?”

“What can I do to make your life easier this week?”

My husband and I do this during dinner or before bed, and it keeps us talking about important topics rather than logistics and schedules.

Most marriages fail gradually because couples stop having meaningful conversations.

They talk about the kids, the bills, and what needs to be done around the house, but they don’t discuss themselves, their dreams, fears, marriage, or what’s really going on inside.

Believe me, five minutes of genuine conversation per day prevents this from happening. 

Touch Each Other Non-Sexually

I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating: not every touch needs to lead to the bedroom.

Random hugging. Random hugs.

Holding hands while watching TV.

While cooking, place one hand on the small of the back.

Sitting together rather than on opposite ends of the couch.

He’s playing with his hair.

He rubs your feet.

These brief moments of physical connection keep intimacy alive even when life becomes too hectic for anything else.

My husband has a habit of hugging me from behind while I’m doing the dishes or cooking, which I enjoy.

It is not sexual.

It’s him saying, “I see you, and I love you,” without using words.

The bonding hormone, oxytocin, is released through physical touch.

It literally makes you feel closer together.

It takes five minutes or less.

Say “thank you” for the little things.

We get so comfortable in marriage that we stop acknowledging the things our spouse does every single day.

He takes out the trash, does yard work, fixes things around the house, and runs the kids to school, and we act as if that’s all he does. He takes out the trash, handles the yard work, fixes things around the house, does school runs, and we act like that’s just what he’s supposed to do.

Your wife manages the household, keeps everyone’s schedules on track, assists with bills, and ensures that nothing slips through the cracks, and some men take it for granted.

Begin saying thank you for everything, even the smallest details.

“Thanks for taking out the trash.”

“Thank you for preparing dinner.”

Thank you for handling the call with your mother.”

“Thank you for being a good father to our children.”

“Thank you for being a good mother.”

See? It only takes five seconds, but it helps your spouse feel seen and appreciated rather than taken for granted.

And when people feel valued, they behave differently.

They’re more willing to go the extra mile.

Gratitude is a marriage superpower, and most people aren’t using it.

Go to Bed at the Same Time (Most nights)

I know this isn’t always possible; different work schedules, one person is a night owl, whatever.

But when possible, go to bed together. But when you can, go to bed together.

Even if one of you isn’t tired yet, just lie in bed together.

Engage in activities such as conversation, cuddling, phone use, prayer, and movie watching.

The final few minutes before sleep are sacred.

It’s when the guards are down and you can simply be with each other without distractions.

My husband and I make an effort to go to bed at the same time at least five nights per week.

Even when I’m tempted to continue working on my computer (if you’re a full-time creative like me, you’ll know we don’t work normal hours), I try to sleep with him most nights. 

It’s become one of my favorite parts of the day because it provides uninterrupted time.

There are no kids barging in (well, sometimes) or responsibilities pulling us in opposite directions.

Just us.

Those five minutes before sleep keep us connected to one another. Those five minutes before sleep keep us tethered to each other.

None of these habits are revolutionary.

They aren’t complicated or time-consuming, but they’re effective because they are consistent.

As I mentioned in my introduction, grand gestures do not form the foundation of a strong marriage.

It is based on showing up for each other in small ways every day.

Investing five minutes here and there can lead to a happy marriage.

Try implementing just one of these habits this week and see what happens.

I guarantee you’ll notice the difference.

I am rooting for you!