Most cheaters do not get caught.

Tough but true.

And it’s not because they’re criminal masterminds or because their accomplices are foolish or illogical.

It’s because they’ve learned how to cheat in ways that are nearly impossible to demonstrate.

They’ve found out how to exploit vulnerabilities and preserve plausible deniability while accomplishing their objectives.

The worst aspect is that many of these tactics have become so commonplace that accusing them makes you appear insane, insecure, and paranoid.

Meanwhile, they’re doing precisely what you expect; they’ve just learned how to do it in ways that leave no trace.

I am not writing this to teach anyone how to cheat.

I’m writing so you’ll know what to look for.

So you can stop denying your instincts when something feels weird and stop letting someone trick you into thinking you’re paranoid when you’re simply paying attention.

10 Ways to Get Away with Cheating

1. They Use Apps That Delete Messages Automatically

They aren’t sending the other person regular messages that leave a trail.

They use apps that are specifically designed to hide communication. They use apps that are specifically designed to hide communication.

Messages vanish after they are read.

Photos vanish, and entire conversations cease to exist.

So even if you get their phone, which you won’t because they keep it secure, there’s nothing to find.

There is no evidence, only your gut feeling that something is wrong and their insistence that you are being paranoid.

2. They have a well-known “work friend.”

Seriously, this is brilliant. Seriously, this is genius.

They keep bringing up this coworker at home, in front of you casually.

They make this person so well-known and widely discussed that being suspicious makes you appear insane.

Because if they were cheating, they wouldn’t tell you, right?

The best hiding place is in plain sight.

They constantly tell you about this person, so you have no suspicions.

And then their entire time together is brushed off as “just work friends.”

Meanwhile, that “work friend” is well aware of your relationship issues and emotionally connected to your spouse in ways you are not.

Perhaps he will one day become more than a friend.

But you can’t speak up because you’ve been hearing about them for months and haven’t complained.

3. They use cash for all suspicious activities.

Bank statements tell stories, so they pay in cash for everything.  Bank statements tell stories, so they pay with cash for everything. 

Consider treating your affair partner to a hotel, dinner, and gifts. It is all cash!

Because they are aware that you can search credit card bills and financial records for evidence.

As a result, they withdraw small amounts of cash over time, use ATMs far from home, or receive cash back at grocery stores.

4. They Provide Valid Reasons for Being Unreachable.

Some excuses are so plausible that challenging them would make you paranoid.  Some excuses are so legitimate that questioning them would make you paranoid. 

“I’m in meetings all day.”

“My phone is dead.”

“The gym doesn’t have good reception.”

“I left my phone in the car.

They’ve established patterns in which being unreachable is normal and acceptable.

So when they’re with someone else and can’t answer your texts or calls, they have a pre-existing excuse, which you’ve already accepted as valid.

They’ve taught you not to expect constant availability, and during “unreachability,” they’re living a double life.

5. They accused you of cheating.

The audacity of accusing you of something they are responsible for! The audacity of accusing you of something they are responsible for! The audacity of accusing you of something they are guilty of! The audacity of accusing you of something they are guilty of!

Regardless, this is psychological warfare. 

They cheat and then accuse you of cheating.

“Where were you?

“Who were you texting?”

“Why are you dressed up?”

“You seem distant; are you seeing anyone?”

They constantly project their guilt onto you, deflect it, and force you to defend yourself, denying you the mental space to question them.

And it works because you are so focused on proving your faithfulness that you fail to notice their infidelity.

6. They have a friend who will cover for them.

Nobody understands the importance of having an alibi better than a cheating partner. Nobody understands the importance of having an alibi better than a cheating partner.  No one understands the value of having an alibi better than a cheating partner. No one understands the value of having an alibi better than a cheating partner. 

That’s where their friends step in.  That’s where their friends come in. 

“I was at Mike’s house, watching the game.

And if you call Mike, he will confirm it because he is involved.

Cheaters frequently have an accomplice who will cover for them and tell lies on their behalf.

“Yes, he stayed here all night.”

“We went out for drinks after work.”

And then you get “confirmation” that they were where they claimed to be, which they were not.

Their friend is simply lying for them.

This is why you can’t always rely on their friends to verify things for them, because some of them are willing to lie.

7. They turn every suspicion into a fight over your insecurity.

Maybe you noticed the signs and asked a question or expressed concern. Perhaps you’ve noticed the signs and asked a question or expressed concern.

Instead of responding directly, they launch an attack.

“Why are you looking at my phone?”

“You are very insecure.”

“I can’t believe you don’t trust me.”

“Your paranoia is causing our relationship to struggle.”

They flip it, and before you know it, you’re the problem.

You are insecure and lacking in trust. 

You eventually apologize for asking.

So you stop asking questions because they make you feel like the villain.

That’s exactly what they want.

8. They separate the other person completely from their real life.

One of the most common ways cheaters avoid detection is to keep their real and double lives separate.  One major way cheaters avoid detection is to keep their real and double lives separate. 

They avoid bringing the other person around mutual friends and public places. 

The affair exists within a bubble.

Separate city, friend group, and spaces, so there’s no chance of someone you know seeing them together. 

Two completely separate lives that never interact.

9. They Maintain a Perfect Public Image

This one is incredibly sleek. This one is so sleek.

Cheaters are typically the model spouse in public, posting couple photos on social media, complimenting you in front of friends, and portraying the devoted husband or wife at family gatherings.

Everyone thinks you have the perfect relationship and are madly in love with you.

And their public image becomes a shield.

Because if you tell anyone what you suspect, they will not believe you.

“Him? No way, he’s totally obsessed with you!”

“Her? She’s always saying how much she loves you!”

The public performance renders the private betrayal nearly impossible to prove or even claim.

10. They’re Honest About Small Things to Build Trust

This is the most insidious. This is the most insidious one.

They tell you small truths to make you believe they are completely honest.

It’s strategic honesty, small truths that conceal larger lies.

Many people are aware that they are being cheated on. So many people know they’re being cheated on.

They feel it, but they talk themselves out of it because there is no evidence.

Meanwhile, their partner has set up their cheating in ways that leave no evidence.

Your intuition is not wrong simply because you cannot prove it.

The absence of evidence does not constitute evidence of absence.

If something feels wrong, it probably is.

Most cheaters do not get caught because they are intelligent enough to cheat in ways that are nearly impossible to prove.

They’ve learned from others’ mistakes and identified the flaws. 

And they rely on you to doubt yourself more than you do them.

Do not give them that power.

Trust your instincts.

Pay attention to patterns, and don’t let anyone tell you that your instincts are just paranoid.

Because they are not always true.